6th of May 2012 - My eyelids being moved inexplicably closed.

I do not see my Spiritual Blindness

On the sixth of May 2012, I brought a new friend along to church. He was Chinese-educated. We were late. But I caught enough of the sermon to know that the speaker was a man who knew God personally, and knows of God's wisdom and is experiencing God even in the here and now, and not just in the past. There was an altar call. Because of a Singaporean Indian monk's behest from weeks earlier to surrender and let myself be one with the universe and one with God, I went forward.

When I was there, a humble prayer acolyte came and prayed for me a simple prayer of more power, more Spirit. As she spoke, although my eyes were closed and eyes bowed, something not of myself happened. I am as sane as any normal person. Which means that although I may daydream about things that have yet to come, I would not outright lie. What happened was something peculiar happened to my eyes. It isn't that they swelled, but even as I can touch type and close my eyes besides now, my eyes see. And yet I was not afraid - I was simply curious. Something happened to my eyelids. You must know that I have cried at altar calls, or in the pews or maybe in school or over cathartic movies or romance books. I know the involuntary moving of the eyeball or perhaps tics. But this was different. 

It was as if my eyelids were being stretched open even though nobody laid hands on me, both the bottom bags and the top lids. I really have no words to explain what happened because although you may have guessed by now I'm quite a wordy person, but for this, i have no words to describe what happened to my eyes. I do not know.  

What I Like

It delights me to know a person well enough to
gauge when s/he unlocks the door. If it's me,
my passenger will most likely be waiting for me
whilst I look for my keys somewhere in my bag.

Yet there are other patterns - Those who unlock
a. Far away, so that it will guide us towards it
b. Just in Time
c. Pause in Time

P.S. My beloved aunt unlocks her car only when she reaches it. So, no point walking ahead of her.

I fell down from the steps of my loft bed.  My knee got the brunt of it. And I sprained my left wrist.
 It was just as well I didn't hit my head on the stone wall. Too close a shave and such a relief & stunner it was.

I chided myself for my emotionalism as I was thinking about my ex-fiance/ex-bf.
I've been up and down the loft bed without any trouble... but just like when my emotions get the best of me, I get into car accidents and such. I hide my feelings too well... I don't come across as being disturbed. But I've always suspected I had Asperger's or autism, because I don't realise my emotions till after the evidence of my accidents lead me to suspect not everything is well. 

I called my ex-bf/ex-fiance today. But even so, I was thinking of him and putting him first. By telling him that if he doesn't want me to call again, I won't. I'm not a stalker and I'm independent and don't want to be a burden. But I miss him. To me, love doesn't end. It's not unilaterally withdrawn. Even if it's in friendship, it's better than nothing.

I didn't expect to miss him this much. I had no idea that when I get horny, I would think of him. Because I guess there's some truth that women are more emotional. I thought I was intellectual and mentally led.

Before the night is over...

+ we now have a lizard in the house... a small one. Never have I seen a lizard in my this house before! It banged into my feet and scampered away. LOL... (don't ask for pics!)

It is now 1.28am...

I guess I should sleep, but I have not done the submissions for the proposal for the Mart, Cafe & Arts Educational Centre. It was left on the dashboard by forgetful ole' Miss Advent i.e. me. I shall go down and get it, and then reward myself with a tap on the shoulder and nice cup of tea. No kiss from a husband. Amen.

Over Stingray at the Hawker Stalls beside Concorde Hotel

It's the 5th of March today, and the 4th of March yesterday.

I simply need to sort out my thoughts. I had a long chat with a single lady friend who's 42 years old, who has a crush on a guy that's 36, maybe 37 years old. He's okay, but not my type. I wonder if guys know that I'm totally fine with being friends, without romantic complications, unless it's a sweet crush like my lady friend on this guy. Unrequited (I hope that's the correct spelling as I've not typed or journalled before) love is painful. 

Hence the reason for me blogging. 

This lady friend went on for hours, about her ex-business partner, and her crush, over dinner and the lift back. She talked about how she liked his hairy arms. I like hairy arms too, but,.. I didn't like his body proportion. He is a bit lanky, totally unlike my first and second boyfriends, or my dad. Anyway, enough of what I like. 

The eagerness in her voice... happiness... positiveness, made me a bit restless. I wish for someone to love, he doesn't need to be perfect. My very very good friend married an American-born Korean who's blind in one eye, he's not my type, but I can see why she found/finds him attractive. Personally, I like his directness, his openness to debate. I don't think he really listens, but that's because we don't really have much time to talk. He probably suffers me because I'm one of his wife's friends. To me, if I were single and found him whilst clubbing, he would be 70% attractive to me. Well, better than the 55% black guy I talked to yesterday in the gym because I really needed the distraction from the 90mins on the StarTrek machine. (Mind you, I fully acknowledge that each of the men have their own priceless worth to God, and their parents, and to me as a human being, but I'm just talking about eye candy and physical chemistry okay?) 

There were two guys before the black guy I chatted to (what to do, I'm a moderately social creature who thinks that because I have no ulterior romantic motives to chatting up guys or gals, I can afford to chat up strangers!) who were 60% and 75%. I just miss my two ex-fiances. I just miss them well. I just wish we could maintain some sort of friendly contact, like how you would treat a great-aunt for e.g. 

For my next boyfriend, he definitely has to be my friend first. And he has to be talkative. More talkative and forthcoming than me. Because I wouldn't harm a fly. Or an ant. Never deliberately anyway. Let alone another human being who doesn't want to be hurt.